Things to Do With Beer: Yard Work and Danger-Genius Ramps

Today was a good day. Let me tell you about it.

I spent pretty much all day outside working in the yard. This included: tilling up an insanely big garden area and a smaller (when compared with the first area) garden area; having an OK lunch with an excellent, big PBR; and weedeating, pushmowing, and ride-mowing (just made up a word–call Houghton Mifflin) the yard.

But this doesn’t sound like fun, does it? If you’re thinking “no, it does not, dude” sorry, but you are incorrect. Add cold-ass Miller Lite to all of the yard mowing and the fun materializes like a Chia Pet’s grass/hair.

So, first, there was the tilling to be done. Sadly, there was no beer involved in this part of the yard work–it was only 9:30am, arguably too early for a beer. The tilling was made relatively easy with the use of the tiller we rented (back-tine, not front-tine–we’ve made that mistake before). The hardest part was getting the tiller back into the car when we were done and about to return it. Suffice to say that the thing was heavy–the two guys that picked it up and loaded it into my car when we rented it were heard, by my wife, to be laughing at us because they didn’t think we’d be able to get it back in when we were done. They didn’t know I’m magic.

Pow.

What you are seeing is an $800 piece of machinery in the back of my car after I drove it up the ramp made of two 2×12′s from an old garden box. You might be thinking that Danger is my middle name. Yes it is. But also Genius. It’s a double name, like sorority girls have.

After lunch, I acquired enough gas to power the push mower and riding mower and also a 12 pack of Miller Lite. You can imagine the rest. If you have the means, I strongly suggest getting a riding mower (ours came with the house we bought last summer), regardless of your yard’s size. You can ride around on it and drink beer at the same time. Any other explanation seems unnecessary.

Now you might be thinking, “Miller Lite? what gives?” This gives–Miller Lite is one of those beers that complements outdoor activity in a way that no other beer I’ve had does (except, of course, High Life (Miller’s got that shit figured out)). And it should be cold. Like really hand-hurting cold–then you get to use a huggy, it’s what they’re for.

So at the end of the day, you’ve got a massive space for a garden, and you got to use a machine outfitted with big blades, a 4-stroke cycle engine, and a pull-cord starter. Manly. Then you’ve got the yard mowed, which is measurable in completely satisfying ways that no other jobs I can think of are. First the grass was high, now it ain’t. But there is the vague smell of the gas from the lawn equipment and the new cut-grass. Good. And there was beer. Awesome.

I realize this post was not completely about beer. But when we drink beer, usually we’re doing things. Things that often determine the type of beer we drink. So here’s one thing, or group of things, to do with beer.

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• Books About Beer: Good Beer Guide Prague & The Czech Republic
• Drinking It All: #11 Sweetwater IPA
• Here Comes the Beer
• Brewed Slowly: Homebrewing Basics
• On Stouts: Don’t Judge A Beer By Its Color

You Might Also Like:

• Books About Beer: Good Beer Guide Prague & The Czech Republic
• Drinking It All: #11 Sweetwater IPA
• Here Comes the Beer
• Brewed Slowly: Homebrewing Basics