Drinking It All: #13 Keystone Light Tallboy

Drinking It All is a document of my attempt to try every beer in circulation. It’s a Herculean and tragic attempt at best. But it’s the means, not the end that counts here.

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look out, this beer's in a "specially lined can"

The next stop in cheap beer land is Keystone Light. This beer is Coors Light’s little cousin, just as Beast is Miller Lite’s little cousin. The fact that I’m not a drinker of Coors Light, or really any Coors product, should make this review fairly objective (or that’s what we’ll say).

There’s a label on this beer’s can that claims it’s “Always Smooth.” These two words are trademarked as well, so just imagine I put the small capital TM after Always Smooth. This post is in no way an attempt to usurp Coors’ trademark of “Always Smooth.” Ok. We’ll just say they’ve taken some creative liberties with the word smooth. Interested yet?

Keystone Light is, admittedly, a beer I’ve had a fair amount of times prior to the one I’m drinking right now. I’ve been to frat parties, and I’ve also been to establishments that serve cheap beer from Coors taps when said taps’ lines run back to Keystone kegs. (This is only heresay/conjecture. Take it as you like.) However, the 4-pack of Keystone Light that I bought for this post is the first I’ve actually purchased Keystone in longer than I can remember (we’ll say at least 6 years, possibly more).

So how does it taste? It tastes about like you’d think. (Excuse the rhetorical ?’s.) I can’t think of a beverage that exemplifies the term watery more so than this beer. Please remember some of the ways I’ve described beers in previous posts, or go back and read some if you haven’t already, and now understand that basically none of those terms apply to this beer, Keystone Light. This beer tastes about like someone made a sun-tea with regular beer ingredients then added alcohol. But somehow it’s also sour. So sour water that tastes mildly like beer. But it has alcohol.

This is a party beer, plain and simple. Not something to be had in any situation where drinking a case of beer in one sitting isn’t a medal of honor (sorry about the double negatives–I think it makes more sense though).

Also, this beer boasts an interesting byline: Specially Lined Can. I’m no metallurgist, but this beer tastes like the can could have been lined, specially, with tepid water. Or less-than-mediocrity. Whichever’s funnier, you tell me. It’s a shitty beer.

Thumbs up of thumbs down? Down. You could specially line the can with gold and I wouldn’t buy this beer (again)–at least not to drink.

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